she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
