You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I got inside last night via doggy door
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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