The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
