Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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