There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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