he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
