I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
