Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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