i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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