The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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