I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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