If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
