Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
