I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I could make wine with my vomit
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
