Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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