So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
