she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
