okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
