Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
