Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
