I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
