Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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