Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
