Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
