i was born a porn star she said
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I die, sorry about rent.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
