its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
