Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
