Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
