okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
