the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
