Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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