the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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