it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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