I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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