I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
