he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
