I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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