Barsexuality is the new black.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
