I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Two words: blizzard sex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
