You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
