To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Fuck appropriateness.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
