soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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