Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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