is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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