you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
