that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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