everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
