Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
