Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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