i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
