Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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