just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
