I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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