Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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