wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
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