i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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