he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
