Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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