I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
