i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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