im drinking this country out of the recession.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
40s are totally the cure
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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