Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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